Overcoming Marital Infidelity in Christian-Based Marriage: The Importance of Humility

Marital infidelity, or cheating,  is a devastating experience that can tear apart the very fabric of a marriage. It is a betrayal of trust and a violation of the covenant made between you and your spouse before God. The effects of infidelity can be long-lasting, and the path to healing can be a difficult one, although there is hope. As Christians, we know that all things are possible through Christ, and that includes the love, affection, and trust, of the marriage. In fact, I have helped many marriages get to a much more healthier point than they were before the affair ever took place.  But what is the key? There is one main factor I look for in a couple to determine if the marriage will get better, or end. The answer is simple but difficult: humility.

Humility is often misunderstood as weakness or self-deprecation. We are so afraid of admitting fault due to our deep insecurities inside. However, in Christian-based marriage, humility is the opposite of our prideful sin and can lead to more love and acceptance, not shame and being shunned. Humility is not a lack of confidence or self-worth, but rather a deep understanding of who we are in relation to God. Humility recognizes that we all have failures and that we need God's grace and mercy to navigate this life. 

Humility is the foundation of all healthy relationships, including marriage. It allows us to put aside our own desires and needs and focus on the needs of our spouse. In Philippians 2:3-4, Paul writes, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Marital infidelity is a breach of trust that can cause significant damage to a relationship. The betrayed spouse may feel hurt, angry, and overwhelmed with emotions. He or she may feel as if they are not good enough. The unfaithful spouse may feel shame, guilt, and remorse. In these moments of pain and confusion, it can be challenging to see a way forward. However, it is precisely in these moments that humility is needed the most.

Humility allows the betrayed spouse to extend forgiveness to the unfaithful spouse. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential for healing to take place. Jesus instructs us in Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Forgiveness is not a suggestion but a commandment.

Forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing the offense, but rather choosing to release the offender from the debt owed. It is a decision to extend grace and mercy, even when it is not deserved. This act of forgiveness is only possible through humility. Humility recognizes that we, too, have sinned and fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23). It is the recognition of our own need for forgiveness that allows us to extend it to others.

Additionally, humility plays a crucial role in showing that the unfaithful spouse is taking full responsibility for their actions and is less likely to be unfaithful again. When a spouse admits their wrongdoing with humility, they are showing that they understand the gravity of their actions and are willing to take full responsibility for the hurt they have caused. This act of humility can help rebuild trust with their partner and can demonstrate a willingness to change and improve.

By taking responsibility for their actions, the unfaithful spouse is acknowledging that they alone are responsible for their choices and that they are willing to make the necessary changes to prevent future infidelity. Once the betrayed spouse believes they are doing what it takes to change, forgiveness comes easier. This humility can also help the unfaithful spouse to recognize the areas in their life where they may have contributed to pre-affair problems.