God Made Sex. He Made it Good. We Have Misused it.

We all have deep feelings about sex, very personal feelings. Most never talk about it openly with someone. We think that sex is just our own dirty little secret.

Sex is a very important part of our own personal life and certainly of any romantic relationship. Sex is meant to be a beautiful, meaningful, and fun aspect of life. Unfortunately, sex can also be the cause of so much hurt and pain. Yet even though it is a fundamental issue in each one of us, we usually keep our feelings closely guarded, afraid that if anyone knew what we are thinking, we would be ashamed…and we would be totally rejected, by God and others.

Many Christians develop bad sexual habits or have committed some very regrettable acts sexually, either online, or in person. Of course, this includes adultery and infidelity. Marriages and relationships can potentially fall apart because of these bad habits, though this does not have to be so.

The internet and smart phones have made sexual temptations through pornography (porn) much too easily accessible, contributing to porn addiction. Enjoying porn has always been seen by society as inappropriate. But now with the smart phone, one has access to an infinite number of beautiful people, doing every kink imaginable, in all positions-and all available instantaneously. When porn interferes with your ability to function sexually, or takes away your enjoyment or ability to have good meaningful sex with your spouse, then it becomes a problem.

Mismatched sexual desires between partners is a common problem. This can result in many hurt feelings and torn relationships. Some have problems not wanting sex, or strongly craving sex, but their spouse has a normal sex drive.

Having sexual trauma in your past can emotionally cripple even the strongest of us. Some have horrific memories of being sexually assaulted, which the person has difficulty forgetting, resulting in PTSD.

Sexual performance issues are common but important problems: Premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, often caused by performance anxiety, and inorgasmia, or the inability to orgasm. These people are trying their best to have a healthy sex life, but anxiety gets in their way.

Sometimes there is not a problem, but good sex does not just come easily to many, and sex can just become boring. They could use a helping hand with ideas, bringing back the spark in the bedroom.

Feelings of anxiety and depression, while not necessarily directly related to sex, can be either the result, and/or the cause, of many sexual problems.

You Need Someone Who Can Help, Not Condemn.

We have all sinned. We are all sinners. We have all fallen short of the Glory of God. (Romans 3:23). I am not qualified to judge or condemn anyone. I am far from perfect and have had my own struggles in life. But by God’s Grace and Mercy, I have moved forward, though I will still always be a sinner, this side of Heaven. (But I am still loved dearly by God, and so are you!)

If you are here because you have messed up sexually, know that I am here to help you have a healthy, Godly future, not to beat you up for your past. I will not see you as being a “pervert.” or a bad person. I want you to hold on to a little bit of guilt as they mover forward, just to motivate you, but not so much so that you feel too much shame to where it brings you down to where you cannot get up. I want you to be humble, but not wallowing in self pity either.

I do want you to be happy, but in a deeper, longer-term way, not just your short term carnal pleasure. I am not here to judge or scold. I am here to help you see what is working in your life and what is not, and to help figure out how to get you to that place of happiness, for both you and your partners.

The most healing event can occur by being heard and accepted, dirty secrets and all. There should be no shame in facing the sexual part inside of you, and it is best to do so with a full doctoral level Christian psychologist who is professionally trained but also personally experienced in sexual issues, in addition, one that will not judge you. I will work hard to understand your unique views on sex, relationships, and your self-esteem.

My clients feel like they have a safe place to go to be able to be fully open and honest. In order to get better, we have to face our inner thoughts about sex, ourselves and others. Our desires can be hidden from everyone around us, including our significant other. These desires can even be hidden from ourselves.

God knows your thoughts anyway. If you do not face these inner demons directly, openly, and honestly, then they will continue to have power over you. Let me help you face them, and learn how to fight them.

I like to see therapy as the client and I working as co-detectives to uncover the hidden thoughts in our minds that are secretly controlling our problem behaviors. I am not the expert on you. Only you know you, although you can not always see the forest for the trees. That is where I come in.

I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) while doing sex therapy to help my clients understand themselves better. It is the most commonly used, most researched, and most beneficial form of therapy out there. I have been learning about it since I was 15 years old, studying relationships. It is a clear, simple way of seeing our problems, and the solutions we need.

Sex therapy for women, as well as men.

Women are often afraid to deal with sexual issues with a male therapist. That is understandable, and often, therapy is best with a female therapist. However, there are times when a male therapist, acting in the utmost professional and respectful manner, can be the most therapeutic for her.

Many woman have only had relationships with men who used them sexually. They have learned that men only care about them and value them for one thing. It can be very healing for her to experience a caring relationship with a man, a relationship that is not at all sexual and whom he values her for who she is on an emotional and intellectual level.

I have worked with numerous women who have been abused by men. I have helped validate their feelings and helped them to not be victims. I have taught them to be strong, empowered women, who value themselves and are ready for healthy relationships.

Of course, I have worked with countless women whose partners have cheated on them, or had problems with pornography. I can help them understand the situation from a male’s perspective, not to justify it of course, but to help them help their partners issues. I have also helped many women get out of abusive relationships.

Even though I am a man, I do tend to be more relational and emotionally sensitive and articulate, like many women. However, I still try to think logically and understand the male perspective.

Will This Really Help?

I guarantee that I will take the time to personally get to know you and your specific story. Every person is unique and has worth. I will use my 25 years of doctoral experience, 30 years professional counseling total) to help you understand yourself and find healthier alternatives.

In all these years, I have helped numerous clients learn to love themselves again and be more empowered to express their sexuality in a healthy safe way, and to have better relationships with their partners. I do try to work as fast as possible and take as few sessions as possible to resolve the issue.

There is never a guarantee in therapy. Success is dependent upon a lot of factors. The client’s honesty and humility in examining their heart and desires and being open in sharing these with me, play a huge role in this outcome.