Depression
Let Me Minister to You
Christians get Depressed Too. But There is Hope
DARKNESS, HOPELESSNESS…THAT OVERWHELMING FEELING
Even for Christians, Life Can Get Us Down at Times. Sometimes It Knocks Us Down and We Can’t Get Back Up.
Do you get overwhelmingly sad and lose your motivation and drive for life?
Depression is usually about disappointment. It is about intense sadness that often starts with loss:
-Someone close to you died, or left your life.
-Lack of love from your spouse.
-A divorce or breakup or divorce, and the sense of rejection that brings.
-Life has not gone how you had hoped at all.
-Major life changes, such as a move, or transition to a new phase of life.
-Health problems, loss of mobility or chronic pain.
-Financial Instability. Not being able to pay your bills.
You know God is there logically, but you don’t sense His presence and wonder if He still cares about you? Maybe you aren’t worth loving anymore. So you feel isolated and alone. Or worse…you have people around but still feel very alone. You feel lifeless and everything is a struggle.
You do not enjoy anything in life like you used to. Entertainment, food, sex. Nothing seems as fun or desirable as much anymore. Maybe you do not feel much of anything anymore. Not really sadness, no anxiety, no anger, but not happiness either, just ambivalence.
You feel terrible about yourself. You feel pathetic, unloveable. You believe that you should not feel this way, which makes you feel even worse about yourself.
It is hard to find hope. (But it exists.)
You Are Not The Only Christian Who Gets Depression
Many people suffer from Depression. There is a reason it is referred to as the common cold in mental health. “Normal” people get it, not those labeled as “Mentally Ill.”
This world is not our home, the Bible tells us (Heb 13:14). We are not fully meant to be happy in this phase of Creation. We are in a sinful, fallen world. We are forgiven, but not yet free of sin, and most of the world is not at all turning to God and following His ways. Thus, bad things will happen. God gives us free will. He wants us to freely love Him. Since we do not fully love Him, bad things happen, either by our own failures or by being a victim to others. And this all makes it easy to fall into the depression trap.
Some people do have chemical imbalances that contribute to depression. However, most of us develop poor ways of thinking about our selves and our situations that can lead to significant depression., even when life has truly been hard on you.
I personally know depression, having battled it twice in my life, especially after my beloved mother died when I was 16. However, I have also gone through years of multiple hardships and was able to fight off depression. I would never look down on anyone for falling into that pit called depression.
There is no shame in admitting that depression has gotten the better of you, Christian or not.
You Need Validation of Your Feelings, and You Need Hope.
The most healing event can occur by being heard and accepted, dirty secrets and all. There should be no shame in facing the dark parts inside of you, and it is best to do so with a full doctoral level psychologist who is professionally trained but also personally experienced in depression himself. I will work hard to understand your unique views on your life’s circumstances, relationships, and your self-esteem.
My clients feel that I genuinely care and that I am going through the struggle with them. But after I listen to them and take the time to fully understand them, I must then begin to give them hope. We first have to look to see if I can help them change their circumstance to get what they are needing. However, sometimes, things are beyond out control. I will try to help them see that regardless of how hard their circumstance is, they can learn to be content and find peace in their storm.
I like to see therapy as the client and I working as co-detectives to uncover the hidden thoughts in our minds that are secretly controlling our problem behaviors. I am not the expert on you. Only you know you. Although each of us can not always see the forest for the trees. That is where I come in.
I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) while doing therapy to help my clients understand themselves better. It is the most commonly used, most researched, and most beneficial form of therapy out there. I have been learning about it since I was 15 years old, studying relationships. It is a clear, simple way of seeing our problems, and the solutions we need.
We should not think of ourselves as worthless or hopeless.. My job is to help you learn to be content, but in a deeper, longer-term way. I am not here to judge or scold. I am here to help you see what is working in your life and what is not, and to help figure out how to get you to that place of happiness, for both you and your partner.
So, How Can I Help?
You need someone who can listen to you and really hear you, and then give you hope and help guide you to a stronger place.
You need someone who will not jump to conclusions and judge you. You need someone to genuinely care and walk with you through your pain.
However, you need more than just that. You need someone who can give you a framework for organizing your life, your thoughts, your emotions.
You need someone with whom you can relate, and a tried and true system - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - to teach you how to become aware of the deep and contradictory thoughts that are in your mind that can lead you to such negative emotions and self-defeating behavior.
What Makes Me Qualified to Help with Depression?
Most of the cases I have worked in my career involved normal people going through extreme loss and trauma. I worked in health care settings for over 20 years and I learned a great many strategies to help them fight depression and anxiety. While I am not working with that population anymore, I can still use those same strategies to help others.
No matter what the specific problem is that clients bring to me, depression and anxiety will always be apart of the equation.
Balance Between Compassion and Advice
I believe that I am very good at helping people feel heard, understood, and cared for. However, many therapists just stop at that, not wanting, or not able to, direct their clients to a better place. There are some beliefs out there that therapists should just reflect back what clients are feeling and then they can figure out what to do themselves. In my vast experience, most clients need a different perspective to help them cope and get them unstuck in their life. They need information about how their mind and brain work, how to control their emotions instead of their emotions controlling them.
On the flip, I will not just quickly jump to conclusions and judge you and dictate what you should do. You are the expert on you. We have to work together as a team to figure out your situation and how to best proceed.
I will be honest and call you out if I smell it, but I will do so in as nice a way as possible. Like my professor used to tell me, “ A good therapist strokes with one hand and punches with the other.” I want you to be happy. If you are doing something wrong or the one who is being mean, you will not end up being happy. I am not here to beat up or scold anyone. I just want to help.
Maybe You Want to Be Depressed?
That Sounds Absurd, I Know, But Stay With Me
The challenge is that in many cases, part of us likes being depressed. What? That sounds wrong doesn't it? Who wants to be depressed? Of course, most of us hates feeling this way and definitely do not want to feel depressed. However, there may be a part of us, those deeper thoughts, that wants to be depressed for a certain purpose, our brain trying desperately to not accept that what is lost is truly lost, and fighting to find loopholes to get it back.
Another problem is how many of us feel helpless to depression. Depression is not so much of a disease as it is a condition. I do not like the term "disease." Disease implies that depression is a little monster outside of your body that randomly attacks you, like a virus, and that you are helpless to fight it. However, the simple fact is that for most of us, we have learned how to be depressed. That is not an insult to anyone. We all have learned it, especially when life's storms have hit. In therapy, I can demonstrate, on a case by case basis, how we ended up learning to think like about depression like we do. It is too easy for us humans to get down in this foreign world. I know personally.
True, some people are born with genes that make them more depressed than others and thus need medication management from a psychiatrist. But all who suffer with depression need psychotherapy to help them to learn better ways to cope with it, ways that are permanent with no negative side effects like you see with medications.
For most all of us battling depression, the condition has been learned. This is good news, as it means that you have hope, as you can re-learn and have potential to overcome.
Tell Me Your Story. I Will Listen and Care
Let's Go On a Journey Together to Help Get a Grip on Your Life,
And To Learn How to Use Your Faith to Find True Contentment...
To Find Peace in Your Storm.
Tell Me Your Story. I Will Listen and Care
Let's Go On a Journey Together to Help Get a Grip on Your Life,
And To Learn How to Use Your Faith to Find True Contentment...
To Find Peace in Your Storm.